am i what i am?

hard to say im sorry

2006-06-28T00:14:00.000+08:00

Ev'rybody needs a little time away
I've heard her say
From each other
Even lovers need a holiday
Far away from each other

Hold me now
it's hard for me to say I'm sorry
I just want you to stay
After all that we've been through,
I will make it up to you
I promise to
And after all that's been said and done
you're just a part of me I can't let go

Couldn't stand to be kept away
Just for the day
From your body
Wouldn't want to be swept away
Far away from the one that I love

Hold me now
It's hard for me to say I'm sorry
I just want you to know
Hold me now
I really want to tell you im sorry
I couldn't ever let you go

rindu

2006-06-27T11:20:00.000+08:00

tewas

kini tiada air mata jatuh membasahi pipimu
adakah tandanya bahagia
kini kembali senyuman terukir bibir manismu
adakah tandanya kau bahagia

aku masih sayang
aku masih rindu
peritnya bila ku sedar
engkau dimiliki lelaki lain

aku..
masih merinduimu
maafkanlah diri ini
membiarkan kau pergi
pahitnya terasa
bertaburan kaca asmara
di medan percintaan
aku tewas..

mungkinkah terbukti kita tidak seteguh yg ku sangka
namun ku tidak putus asa
mungkinkah engkau kasihku sudi menerima ku lagi
namun itu tidak yang ku rasa

cold

2006-06-25T20:00:00.000+08:00

Cold

Looking back at me I see
That I never really got it right
I never stopped to think of you
I'm always wrapped up in
Things I cannnot win
You are the antidote that gets me by
Something strong
Like a drug that gets me high

What I really meant to say
Is I'm sorry for the way I am
I never meant to be so cold

And I'm sorry about all the lies
Maybe in a different light
You could see me stand on my own again
Cause now i can see
You were the antidote that got me by
Something strong like a drug that got me high

I never really wanted you to see
The screwed up side of me that I keep
Locked inside of me so deep
It always seems to get to me
I never really wanted you to go
So many things you should have known
I guess for me theres just no hope
I never meant to be so cold

my baby you

2006-06-24T08:24:00.000+08:00

My Baby You

As I Look into your eyes
I see all the reasons why
My life's worth a thousand skies
You're the simplest love I've known
and the purest one I'll own
no you'll never be alone
My baby you
Are the reason I could fly
And cause of you
I don't have to wonder why
Baby you
There's no more just getting by
You're the reason I feel so alive

Though these words I sing are true
They still fail to capture you
As mere words can only do
How do I explain that smile
And how it turns my world around
Keeping my feet on the ground

I will soothe you if you fall
I'll be right there if you call
You're my greatest love of all

you are the reason i can fly
and because of u i dont have to wonder why
my baby you,theres no more just getting by
because you're the reason i feel so alive

touching

2006-06-23T11:23:00.000+08:00

Eternity

Close your eyes so you don't feel them
They don't need to see you cry
I can't promise I will heal you
But if you want to I will try
To sing this summer serenade
The past is done we've been betrayed It's true
Some might say the truth will out
But I believe without a doubt in you

You were there for summer dreaming
And you gave me what I need
And I hope you find your freedom
For eternity
For eternity

Yesterday when we were walking
You talked about your ma and dad
What they did that made you happy
What they did that made you sad
We sat and watched the sun go down
Then picked a star before we lost the moon
Youth is wasted on the young
Before you know it's come and gone too soon

You were there for summer dreaming
And you gave me what I need
And I hope you find your freedom
For eternity
For eternity

You were there for summer dreaming
And you are a friend indeed
And I hope you find your freedom

Eventually

You were there for summer dreaming
And you gave me what I need
And I know you'll find your freedom
Eventually

For eternity

ku harus memilih

2006-06-21T01:59:00.000+08:00

masih terbayang hangat senyummu
takkan terulang di malam ini
mungkinku tak lagi bisa bersama
kutetap memilih dia

maafkan ooh kasih ku harus memilih
walauku akui ku slalu rindu ingat bayangmu

kadang terasa sesak di dada
ku harus kuat lupakan asa
ku tetap memilih dia

maafkan ooh kasih ku harus memilih
kadang ku akui kurindu hadirmu
maafkan ooh kasih ku harus memilih
walau ku akui kurindu bayangmu
maafkan ooh kasih ku harus memilih
walauku akui ku slalu rindu ingat bayangmu

hmmm

what hurts the most

2006-06-16T21:27:00.000+08:00

What Hurts The Most

I can take the rain on the roof of this empty house
That don't bother me
I can take a few tears now and then and just let them out
I'm not afraid to cry every once in a while
Even though going on with you gone still upsets me
There are days every now and again I pretend I'm ok
But that's not what gets me

What hurts the most
Was being so close
And having so much to say
And watching you walk away
And never knowing
What could have been
And not seeing that loving you
Is what I was tryin' to do

It's hard to deal with the pain of losing you everywhere I go
But I'm doin' It
It's hard to force that smile when I see our old friends and I'm alone
Still Harder
Getting up, getting dressed, livin' with this regret
But I know if I could do it over
I would trade give away all the words that I saved in my heart
That I left unspoken

What hurts the most
Is being so close
And having so much to say
And watching you walk away
And never knowing
What could have been
And not seeing that loving you
Is what I was trying to do

What hurts the most
Is being so close
And having so much to say
And watching you walk away
And never knowing
What could have been
And not seeing that loving you
Is what I was trying to do

Not seeing that loving you
That's what I was trying to do
Ooohhh....

apreciate what u have

2006-05-30T10:30:00.000+08:00

got this from kin's blog.. (hope u dun mind girl..)

Don't lose that 90% you already have...

Adultery happens when you start looking for what you don't have. "Wow, this girl in my office is a real looker. I'm crazy about her because she's also understanding, intelligent, tender. So many things that my spouse is not.
"Somewhere along the way, you'll find a woman or a man who will be more charming or sensitive. More alluring. More thoughtful. Richer. Have greater sex appeal. And you will find a woman or man who will need you and pursue you and go crazy over you more than your spouse ever did.
Because no wife or husband is perfect.
Because a spouse will only have 90 of what you're looking for.
So adultery takes place when a husband or wife looks for the missing 10%.
Let's say your wife is melancholic by nature. You may find yourself drawn to the pretty clerk who has a cherry laughter. Or because your wife is ahomebody in slippers and pyjamas, smelling of garlic and fish oil, you mayfall for a fresh- smelling young sales representative that visits your office in a sharp black blazer, high heels, and a red pencil-cut skirt.
Or because your husband is the quiet type, your heart may skip a beat when you meet an old college flame who has the makings of a talk show host.
But wait! That's only 10% of what you don't have. Don't throw away the 90%that you already have! Add to your spouse's 90% the 100% that represents all the years that you have been with each other.
The storms you have weathered together.
The unforgettable moments of sadness and joy as a couple.
The many adjustments you have made to love the other.The wealth of memories that you've accumulated as lovers.
Adultery happens when you start looking for what you don't have.
But faithfulness happens when you start thanking God for what you already have.
But I'm not just talking about marriage. I'm talking about life!
About your jobs.
About your friends.
About your children.
About your lifestyles.
Are you like the economy airline?
The main message: If you start appreciating what you have right now, whatever you have is FIRST CLASS!

hmmm~

hello n goodbye

2006-05-29T10:10:00.000+08:00

so long my friend, don't say goodbye
just give me one last kiss beneath this glowing sky.
we'll go walking through the park
and hang out in the rain.
tell a joke and watch me smile
as we drink away the day.

and know the next time that you
make a wish upon a star
I'll be wishing on the same one that you do
and every night I'm all alone
in some burn out highway town
I'll be thinking of the day that I met you.

hello again, it's been to long.
what happened to our love
since the last time I was gone?
I detach myself again
and lose something everytime.
the solutions in the problem
temporarily alright.

And know the next time that you
make a wish upon a star
that sometimes it might actually come true.
our conversation can't consist of hello and goodbye
and the silence between saying I love you.
and sometimes I wonder 'bout that too.

fi..

2006-04-13T00:24:00.000+08:00

I can't even think of words to match the way I'm feeling
I don't even think a book could say enough for you
I can only try my best, to put it in a song I guess
You try to speak, I know you tell the truth

If I could freeze a small amount of time together
Then we could make believe this world would never end
Unfortunately truth is cold
So you stay young while I get old
But always know, I'm your best friend

Nothing is the same
Everything is a better change
Sometimes I see silence in your eyes
Let it all crash down
When it ends it begins with you
I'm gonna learn every time you do

And I'm as scared as anybody who has done this
I wouldn't give it up for nothing, Fi..
You took my life, turned it around
And put my feet back on the ground
I owe you, eternally

Nothing is the same
Everything is a better change
Sometimes I see silence in your eyes
Let it all crash down
When it ends it begins with you
I'm gonna learn every time you do

I'm always I'm always I'm always here
I'm always I'm always I'm always here

sandman

2006-04-03T20:42:00.000+08:00

Stars are out tonight;
they spell out your name
have i lost you?
i failed badly in this game.
close your eyes my friend
and say a silent prayer
i'll see you in your dreams
we'll be together forever.

As the wolf cry to the moon
I'll surrender my soul
this is the end for me
this is the end of misery
As my blood seeps through the ground
I'll be screaming out your name
and u'll be there for me
u'll be in my memory
my..

Body seems cold (hold me now)
Shut my eyes so tightly..
Oh, i see you here (hold me now)
Hold me and never let me go..

reason with me for this tragedy
it's killing me for eternity
now u shall see this blood is drying
for you.. for you..
and..

puisi

2006-03-06T23:42:00.000+08:00

malam ini, ku tulis lagu tentang kekasih lama;
yang masih segar di ingatanku
baru aku tahu ertinya percintaan
yang ku tinggalkan

dan aku tahu, ku keterlaluan
maafkanlah diriku
dan aku tahu, ku menyakitimu
maafkanlah diriku

betapa indah, percintaan bila berbunga mekar;
yang masih segar di ingatanku
kekesalan tidak membawa sembarang erti
ketahuilah kekasihku

dan aku tahu, ku keterlaluan
maafkanlan diriku
dan aku tahu, ku menyakitimu
maafkanlah diriku sayang..

ku memohon, supaya engkau
melupakanku.. oh..
dan tak mungkin kau kembali
di sisi..

dan aku tahu, kau menyayangiku
maafkanlah diriku
dan aku tahu, ku menyakitimu
maafkanlah diriku
maafkanlah diriku
maafkanlah diriku..

..isi jeritan hati seseorang yang telah jatuh keluar dari percintaan. kelakuannya yang lepas, telah kini menyebabkan kehidupan seseorang penuh dengan penderitaan. dia dihantui rasa bersalah..

far far away..

2006-03-02T23:28:00.000+08:00

How I wish I could surrender my soul;
Shed the clothes that become my skin;
See the liar that burns within my needing.
How I wish I'd chosen darkness from cold.
How I wish I had screamed out loud,
Instead I've found no meaning.

I guess it's time I run far, far away; find comfort in pain,
All pleasure's the same: it just keeps me from trouble.
Hides my true shape, like Dorian Gray.
I've heard what they say, but I'm not here for trouble.
It's more than just words: it's just tears and rain.

How I wish I could walk through the doors of my mind;
Hold memory close at hand,
Help me understand the years.
How I wish I could choose between Heaven and Hell.
How I wish I would save my soul.
I'm so cold from fear.

I guess it's time I run far, far away; find comfort in pain,
All pleasure's the same: it just keeps me from trouble.
Hides my true shape, like Dorian Gray.
I've heard what they say, but I'm not here for trouble.

Far, far away; find comfort in pain.
All pleasure's the same: it just keeps me from trouble.
It's more than just words: it's just tears and rain...

National Service

2006-02-20T12:56:00.000+08:00

This corridor have been passed by various souls
but today im studying the view;
this is what i want to see when my eyes closed
reminiscence; my mates looking at their best.

The day's flares are tired
of pressing against my black rubber face,
chasing after soft, pale cheeks
that never turn, sweaty glazed..
Air sucked tight, its difficult to breathe
but for pride, we shall not leave...

[tired ..weak

...bleak]

..abide the credo Against All Adversities
and for pride, we shall not quit..

it never felt so tiring, our immobiled body,
each footstep collects a story,
inch by inch, carrying ourselves up
craving for fresh air.. in and out...

[..i am done..]

stapled and glued together,
are cold bones and skin,
the aches return quickly when i walk,
so I sit back and watch
there's a lot more to me than this,
brotherhood triumphs over hardships;
I am pleased..

Despite how heavy the weights are,
I always get somewhere,
i don't know how much further from here
'coz my legs won't carry me far.

...i know.

For all that i've done,
hard times are now turned into times of pride.
All this i managed with you by my side..

..goodbye..

Kindness isn't tendered on demand;
you gave with love, not merely out of duty.
Our days are daily burnished by that beauty
Upon your trust,
proudly we used to stand..

..farewell..

Sometimes a grateful word is said
in reply to a kindness paid.
But no word has any greater rank,
than a word from the heart, saying "thanks."

..so long.........

you

2006-02-15T17:43:00.000+08:00

[you..]

stand still for a while..
and let the winds embrace ur body
allow the cold breeze fly past
u'll feel close to me..

reach out your hands..
and grab for the diamonds in the sky
allow yourself to be pampered once again
u'll feel close to me..

now close your eyes..
and listen to the waves
a peaceful sound in harmony
u'll feel close to me..

[myself..]

icy winds are piercing through my skin
cutting my bones, crumbling my foundation.
glittering sky are just broken shards of glasses
lacerate my hands, leaving long deep scars.
waves are melancholic tunes
reminding myself of a sad past i went through..

that's when i feel
..the breeze, the stars and the waves.

guns

2005-12-24T14:45:00.000+08:00

my dreams are not as sweet after this happened
i tried to make what i considered a fairytale
to come true, but everytime reality strikes back at me
i cant understand, and i will never want to
i am not mad, just a little sad,
my euphorical past fades away...

day by day i drag myself to somewhere i can find
all the answers to the questions i asked myself all these while
so much for all the promises i made
so much for all sacrifices; i hate
i am alright so you please carry on.

i write this on a sleepless night
i sing to you but i cant accept
how all this can be happening
when im the one who make things wrong
so please don't cry and walk away
hands over my head, i surrender
i surrender...

a loaded gun i find
my temple feels thirsty
for the cold barrel.
now is my goodbye
i think i've found the key.

cheesecake

2005-12-15T22:01:00.000+08:00

whip it up..
cream sugar vanilla cookies and cheese..
eat it up..
on that special day, but its a miss..

nevermind about that now.
things are not meant to be somehow.

feek inc again

2005-11-29T00:31:00.000+08:00

its a rough tide outside,
my legs are weak i can't stand firm
i know it'll be over
soon..

woke up with the smell of fresh air
the sweet scent of liberation
im sure i'm ready this time
my confidence this round
is not a membrane sheilding my fear.

a fortress which seems too strong
however invaded by an army of complacency;
the ground cracked wide open
gaping cliff waiting to swallow anyone who fall..

sadly,
you nose-dived down..

goodbye..

ORD lo! gimme back my Pink IC..

feek.inc

2005-11-22T09:47:00.000+08:00

the clothes u wore
the words u spoke
the path u took
the life u lead..

is it really you?

the song u sung before
that haunting tune which rings in my head
the empty promises i told
another way of holding on i supppose.

a fabricated dream
resulting a flesh torn
what is left?

ironic; how near you are
yet it feels so far
blessed by freedom?
i can't fathom
the cause of all these..

the clothes i wore
[....tattered]
the words i spoke
[cries....]
the path i took
[...blurry]
the life i lead
[am i alive..?]

feek.inc
MEN's WEAR

so long astoria

2005-11-13T13:05:00.000+08:00

a space long abandoned.

dirt and cold winds.

spiderwebs and shadows.

a beeping red light; a sense of life amongst the darkness

my fingers weak, my movements halted.

am i back to reality?

i woke up from my long virtual dream

it seems too real.. an ideal place

summer all year round

the beautiful walks

our long talks

now it's gone..

leaving no trace behind.

i played this game before

the rules are still the same i reckon

but this time you are the jury

and im at your mercy

im tired of this

i've woken up.

fresh air surrounds me

giving me a new burst of energy

cool air and sweet ozone scent

im ready.

2005-10-01T13:06:00.000+08:00

a 3 faced Jack,
mixed breed of black grey and white,
had to face the fact,
of a flesh torn by that deadly bite.

[thank you for the good times,
it have been great while it lasted]

Jack, are you feeling down?
Jack, are you feeling lost?
You chose this and please dont frown,
Jack, its all your cause..

No point reaching out your hand,
what is it that you wanted?
Jack its over my friend,
No, please dont turn to hatred.

A torn part of you will heal
to fill up all your vacant space,
a message written for his lovely pal Jill,
"i wont forget you in my prayers.."

[so long.. ]

Jack, why are your eyes wet?
go hide behind your mask
a masquerade of hidden emotions
for Jill u must.

2005-09-28T22:47:00.000+08:00

upstrokes
palm mutes
downstrokes
hammer ons
pull offs
slide up
slide down
scaling
tremolo
whammy
vibrato
slaps
scratch
bend
drop-D
&
nasty riffs...

*back in action this november.. hoorah!

plants

2005-09-25T22:21:00.000+08:00

water me dry

12 strings

2005-09-24T01:06:00.000+08:00

can i show u something new
and play a tune or two..

.... [strum]

melodies floating in this hollow space
where everyone was busy navigating..

[a maze of humans]
..did anyone ever care or notice
all hopes dangled on a frayed end string

[strum]...

a gloomy harmony in A-minor; a rendition
of an expression of my stolen right
to see an ornamented description
by the voices of my own kind.

superhero tan

2005-09-21T19:32:00.000+08:00

Mdm Tan is proud of her son. "He is a crime-fighter!", she will be heard saying that to everyone. Feeding his son left-over tou-huay (jelly beancurd) from her stall religiously, she believe by now at the age of 21 her son have strong bones. "My son ah, can jump from building to building! Can fly like Superman oso lah.. Waah.. so proud of him one!" Everyone, from the market will listen to her story nodding their heads although in their minds they say to themselves,

" Siao.. ur son commit suicide 5 years ago. "

daily scenery

2005-09-20T21:52:00.000+08:00

lis wants me to write her a sonet for her assignment.. this is what i wrote;

november nights will never be the same

souls in the corner of the street

searching for something to feed

just a card board and a thin layer

sheilding from cold winds and harsh weather

i am that urban nomad

without a tribe im not a little sad

november nights will never be the same

dirty streets are busy in the day

the setting sun make it dry and dead

urban wanderers are hard workers

i am that vagabon, a rover

nocturnal stillness are never a sign to rest

yesterday's shelter are never a permanent nest.

dun ask me wat its all about..i duno.

endless journey

2005-09-20T00:25:00.000+08:00

2 more months before i end my service. the common path i shared with my mates had met a junction which branched out to 34 different paths.. we have to choose a path (this time alone..) continuing the endless journey called Life.

guys, i had a great time.

as for now, im dealing with another endless trip.. getting that 7000 km.

qtn: where is this pic taken?

ans: somewhere near Changi Airport.